Articles Posted in Holidays

With the COVID-19 pandemic raging, I have spent a lot of time thinking about what the holidays will be like this year. Of course, the holidays are supposed to be a time filled with love and joy; a time spent with family and friends. This is true no matter what holiday you celebrate at this time of year. After all, that is what we see in all the holiday movies and hear in all the holiday songs. But, as most grownups know, even in normal times, as special as this time of year is, it is also a time that is inevitably more hectic and more stressful. But this year is different. Many are facing the loss of a loved one, in some cases, more than one loved one. So many people are separated from family members – in hospitals, nursing homes, or just keeping their distance to stay safe. Those who live alone are feeling the solitude even more while those who live with others are feeling the added pressure of the extra time couped up inside because while time together is wonderful, most of us are not accustomed to quite this much “time together.” And then there is the absence of so many of the holiday activities and traditions which we have come to treasure. As an Italian American from Brooklyn, for me, this means foregoing Christmas Eve in Brooklyn with extended family. As the mom of a two-year-old, it means no visit to see Santa this year. But I consider myself lucky. My family is healthy and I have not had to suffer the loss that so many have.pexels-nicole-michalou-5765727-200x300

Yet even as the pandemic drags on, we are striving to make the holidays a time of happiness. These are unusual circumstances, we tell ourselves. It is only one year and next year we will be able to celebrate again like we once did. These feelings of loss, loneliness, sadness, and hopelessness are not usual for this time of year and this too shall pass. But of course, this is not true for everyone. For some, the holidays are not a happy time, even when there is no pandemic. This is true for so many including those who are recently divorced or in the middle of a divorce.

Certainly, it is hard to be happy when the life you knew changes. Suddenly you find yourself dealing with the magnification of loneliness and navigating the stress and the hectic of the holidays alone. Maybe you are struggling with old traditions. Perhaps it is the first year that you will spend the holidays without your children. And added to the normal stress that always comes with the holidays is the need to manage parenting time schedules and feeling like you need to keep everything the same for the kids, while so much has changed.

Dear Santa:pexels-cottonbro-6140236-200x300

I know I wrote to you in October asking you for just a few things for Christmas. I know you are busy and that kids all over the world need you more than ever. I was looking forward to Christmas when Uncle Harry always come dress like you and my sister plays carols on the piano. I just want to let you know that I would like to change my Christmas list. It’s not that I do not like Transformers or Batman. I love them! It’s just that things have changed around here. Mom and Dad’s fighting has gotten a lot worse. I know they think they are keeping it from me but I hear them fighting and I see the way they look at each other. I heard Dad say he wants a Divorce and mom said she did too. I know what Divorce is My friend Tom’s parents got divorced last year. Tom did not see his Dad for a long time until he was asked a lot of questions by some Doctors. He was scared. I don’t mind if Mom and Dad divorce. If they Divorce like my friend June. Her parents divorced but did not fight over her and were nice to each other. June sees her mom and dad all the time and they even go to her soccer games. She says nothing is that different she sees her mom and dad and she likes that there is no more fighting in the house. So here is what I would like. I want mom and Dad to stop fighting. I want them to be happy. I do not want them to fight over me and I want to see both of them Dad was sick this year and Dad said mom was the best nurse and told me what a great mother I had. Mom said that Dad was a hard worker and I should appreciate all the things he did to make our family better. Could you please remind them about that? I know that usually, you give kids like me toys and that you have a magical workshop. It’s

really the magic I am looking for this year. So what I really want for Christmas is for my mom and dad to calm down. When I get upset my Dad always says calm down buddy and my mom gives me a hug. That really works. Maybe you could give my mom a magic hug and tell my dad to calm down. I figure they would listen to you. I told my sister who is really big that I was going to write to you. She said it was a great idea and she would get it to you or your elves. She said she would like mom and dad to calm down too. I see her cry sometimes so I know she is sad. We are usually happy this time of year even mom and dad. We didn’t decorate the tree together we did it with mom and dad sat in the room by himself. I could see mom was being brave like she tells me to be when I get a shot. Every year we drive around the neighborhood looking for tacky lights this year mom had a headache and didn’t go. It wasn’t as much fun cause mom laughs through her nose when things get funny. I know things will be different now. But it could be nice different that would be best. And if you think I should have the transformers and batman too that would be great. I have been very good.

Cohabitation of a dependent spouse with another in a relationship tantamount to marriage may lead to the suspension or termination of a payer’s obligation. During COVID many people have begun nesting for companionship and resource sharing. Ma

ny of these new “quasi-family” unions are built upon established long term relationships; others are built on less firm footing. The question arises: do these arrangements give rise to the right of the payer to examine the nature of the relationship and the appropriateness of some financial relief?

An application to terminate or suspend alimony based on cohabitation is provided for by  Statute and Case Law and is frequently refined and defined by Property Settlement Agreements. Generally if one believes their spouse is cohabiting and the spouse is not conceding the fact, a  motion must be made to the Family Part seeking relief or a hearing regarding the payee’s status.

Although Covid has dramatically affected how the Courts operate day to day divorce cases are still moving forward efficiently. Most matters are proceeding with e-filing of pleadings and motions while appearances are being hosted on Zoom as well as several other internet platforms.

The court buildings are also open to attorneys and litigants specifically involved in a matter on a limited basis. Through a combination of internet and limited physical appearance, matters are

moving through the courts efficiently.

The holiday season is upon us and with it comes the joy and at times the tribulation and challenges of family gatherings. This year the holidays might be configured a bit differently than in past years. Uncle Charlie might be participating by Zoom and Aunt Ruth may be sporting her signature mask. This year offers new challenges both because of the pandemic and the Presidential election. Very few of us are neutral regarding issues of: voter fraud, election interference, or the quality and character of candidates. Some of us are Republican, others Depexels-olya-kobruseva-5842243-200x300mocrats or perhaps Independents. We all have an opinion and most of us have voted. In a democracy, our job as citizens is to vote. Once we have voted the outcome of the election is left to the States and if contested to the Courts and the Legislature.

As ordinary citizens, we really have nothing after voting to add to the process. No matter how loud you yell at FOX or CBS nothing Is going to change. It is like a football game you may get caught up in cheering on your team but your cheers have very little to do with the outcome. Biden or Trump will ultimately prevail because of the vote and whatever legal process follows. By Christmas, the die will clearly be irrevocably cast and your support or distress or discourse at family gatherings will not move the needle even a little bit.

Out Republic has been around 244 years and will survive the incumbency of either candidate. Politicians and the Press always say this is the most important election of our time. Maybe they are right this time that is a question to debate just not at the Holiday table.